It is the Easter mystery, the constant leaving the old self behind and putting on a new self and moving forward. We Christians are called to it through the love of Jesus Christ, it is a measure of our growth in faith and the bending of our will to God’s plan in our lives. There seems to be a connection.
Full disclosure: in the early portion of my life I tuned out the call to this phenomenon in pursuit of my personal image of self. 30 plus years ago, I finally awoke to the urgency of listening to God’s voice instead of my voice, and my life changed for the better. As I sought out the meaning and purpose in my life, there was an awakening in living the repeating cycle of dying and rising. I used to think that it was just me struggling about what I was going to be when I grew up, but I came to realize this wasn’t just me, it was God nudging me towards the path of His plan.
As I move towards the denouement of my life, all the dots of my existence are beginning to connect into a clearer picture of my “self.” I have begun to realize that the force which holds me together, explains “me” to me, and creates the meaning of “me,” is my surrender to the will of God. Armchair psychiatrists, sociologists, and Internet trolls might scoff at this and claim that it is just imagination… “light at the end of the tunnel syndrome.” I think not. My life has been marked by experiences of God that I cannot deny, I have been incredibly blessed, well taken care of, and loved by my Lord… I have no other explanation.
I had the chance to share these thoughts with a classmate. We are both taking class in “Spanish for Travelers” at Cal State, Long Beach. Mark is a retired aerospace guy, a participating Catholic, and someone willing to share about God’s influence in his life. We had a great chat about the growing awareness of the “why” of our lives and the sharpening focus of our faith. We both allowed that we were blessed and had lived a great life. We would be disappointed at missing something when we die, but we are anxious to see the face of the Father. We have a common curiosity about what is next, and neither of us is fearful of dying. We laughed and agreed that death would be the last great adventure, and we want to experience it all.
This led me to a recurring theme in the writings of Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, his use of the term “darkness” to describe the ills of modern society. Among the things he refers to in the darkness is the rejection of God. It is an interesting way to put it, it’s not the “God is dead” nonsense of the 1960’s, rejection acknowledges God but ignores him, it is as if to say God is not dead, he is just irrelevant. Benedict’s complaint finds roots in the philosophy and theology of the enlightenment, the primacy of Man in existentialism, and the Deist faith of the Founding Fathers. To that I might include the drift to the modern primacy of the individual, the self-sufficient self, well said in the contemporary thoughts of John Lennon in the lyrics of “Imagine,” where he allows for a world with” no heaven” or “no hell,” and by inference, no God.
The youth and young adults of today who espouse spirituality but reject religion are additions to the cohort of those who find God irrelevant. They believe in a God, but he is not a part of their life, and they feel no need to worship, to communicate, to share, or to experience Him. I say this because in the early part of my life, I was this person, self-possessed, self-assured, master of my fate, and captain of my ship. Gratefully, God is the hound of heaven, and he chased me down the paths and corridors of my life until I surrendered. Only then did I learn the humility of the great lesson of dying and rising - to die to self and to rise in Him.
When it comes to pass that Mark and I find ourselves walking together in Elysian Fields, we hope to look up and see the smiling face of God.
Ted Furlow is a retired former Director of Pastoral Planning for the Diocese of San Bernardino and continues in marriage preparation ministry in the Archdiocese of Los Angeles.